Episode 27: Your Model of Reality: Why You're Not Seeing Opportunities (And What to Do About It)
Episode Summary:
Your model of reality is the collection of beliefs, past experiences, and rules you internalized growing up—and it's operating like a pair of prescription glasses you don't even know you're wearing. According to neuroscience research, your conscious mind processes only 40 bits of information per second while your unconscious processes 11 million. That means 95-98% of your experience is being filtered through subconscious programming. This episode explores how your model of reality deletes, distorts, and generalizes information to match existing beliefs—which is why you might not be seeing opportunities even when they're right in front of you. I share real-world examples of how this shows up for the women I coach: hitting the same income ceiling repeatedly, body tension when hitting "post" on social media, unconsciously creating more work to avoid ease. Through my own story of breaking free from the belief that "people like me lose houses," I demonstrate how you can identify limiting patterns, challenge them with meta-model questions from NLP, and slowly reprogram your nervous system to make success feel safe.
What You'll Learn in This Episode:
How your subconscious filters 11 million bits of information per second based on beliefs formed in childhood
Why two people can attend the same networking event and have completely different experiences (same reality, different internal maps)
Real examples of how outdated models of reality show up as income ceilings, visibility fears, and resistance to ease
The exact meta-model questions I use with clients to loosen limiting beliefs and open new possibilities
My personal journey from "people like us don't keep money" to owning multiple homes and dreaming bigger
Perfect for: Women in their 30s and 40s who are high-achievers hitting invisible ceilings, first-generation leaders breaking generational patterns, and anyone who feels like they're doing all the "right" things but still experiencing the same stuck results.
⏰ Timestamps:
00:00 - Hook: You're Responding to Your Map, Not Reality
00:15 - Why You Keep Playing Small
00:45 - Call to Action: Work With Me
00:55 - What Is Your Model of Reality
03:30 - Why This Matters: How Your Model Affects Everyday Experiences
05:00 - Real-World Examples: How This Shows Up in Your Business
09:00 - Personal Story: How My Model of Reality Was Shaped and What I Did to Break Free
12:30 - Identifying Your Limiting Model: How Do You Know If Your Model Is Limiting You
13:45 - Meta-Model Questions: Loosening Your Model of Reality
16:00 - Collecting New Evidence
17:30 - Journal Prompts
18:45 - Conclusion: You're Not Stuck With Your Current Model
Episode Transcript:
If you could go back in time and give one piece of life-changing advice to your parents or your ancestors, what would that be?
If there was ever a chance to go back in time and share one piece of life changing advice with my parents or their parents' parents, it would be this. You get what you expect, change what you're expecting, and watch how your circumstances change. Everything you experience in your life is happening because of your model of reality and because it is yours, you have full autonomy to change it.
When I learned about the model of reality, I felt a variety of emotions, relief, disappointment, excitement, and resentment. Why hadn't I learned about this in school? Why aren't we teaching this information in schools to our children?
So let's talk about what your model of reality is and why it matters so much.
[00:00:53] What is your model of reality?
Your model of reality is basically the lens through which you see the world. It's a collection of your past experiences, your beliefs about yourself and others. The rules you think govern how life works and the expectations that were placed on you when you were growing up. It's like you're wearing a pair of glasses with a very specific prescription and you don't even realize you're wearing them, but they color everything that you see around you.
Here's what's wild about this. Every single person has a completely different model of reality based on their unique programming. So when you and I look at the same situation, let's say a speaking opportunity, you might see danger and I might see possibility. Neither of us is seeing the actual situation.
We're seeing the interpretation of it based on our internal filters.
Think about it this way, according to neuroscience research, our conscious mind processes about 40 bits of information per second, but our unconscious mind is processing 11 million bits of information in that same second. That means that 95 to 98% of everything happening right now is below your conscious awareness.
Your subconscious is running the show, deciding what information makes it to your conscious mind based on your existing model of reality.
because we each have our own unique model of reality, we'll unconsciously filter how we experience the world. Through three filters, we'll delete, distort, or generalize experiences to match our existing model of reality. Think about that for a second. What if the reason you're not seeing opportunities isn't because there's a lack of opportunities surrounding you, but because your internal filter is blocking them out?
So if your model of reality says, "successful women are selfish", because that's what you heard growing up, guess what your subconscious is going to do? It's going to filter out all of the evidence of successful, generous women. It's going to highlight every story that confirms your existing belief, and you won't even know it's happening because it's happening at the unconscious level of the mind.
[00:03:02] How your model of reality affects everyday experiences
This is why you can go to the same networking event as someone else and have a completely different experience. They walk out with three new connections and a podcast interview, and you walk out feeling exhausted and convinced that networking just doesn't work for you. Same event, different models of reality.
We don't just have different opinions or perspectives. We live in different realities based on how our minds filter information. And the most dangerous part is that we think our filtered version is reality. We don't realize that we're wearing those glasses that we inherited from childhood. And this matters because you can have the best business strategy, the most beautiful website, the most compelling offer.
But if your model of reality says, "people like me, don't succeed", your subconscious will sabotage every single action that you take. It'll make you procrastinate. It'll convince you to underprice, and it'll create reasons why now just isn't the right time.
Your subconscious isn't trying to hurt you. It's trying to keep you safe by keeping you in the familiar, but safe doesn't always mean something is good for you. Sometimes safe just means it's something familiar that you already know how to navigate.
[00:04:16] How this shows up in your business
Let me give you some real world examples of how this shows up for the women that I work with. Let's say that you're at a hundred thousand dollars a year in your business right now, and your goal is to hit $200,000, but here's some background. Your model of reality was shaped in a household where your mom worked herself to the bone for less than what you're earning right now.
Making $200,000 a year feeling impossible because your subconscious has no reference point for it. Or perhaps you're wanting to charge five figures for your services, but when you see other women in your field doing the same, you think to yourself, it'll be harder for you because of where you came from.
Or maybe you want to grow your visibility, get on stages, pitch yourself to podcasts, build your social media presence. But deep down, your model of reality equates visibility with being judged, criticized or attacked. Maybe you watched your older sister get torn apart for speaking up. Maybe you were bullied as a kid for being too much.
So now every time you go to hit post, your body tenses up. You overthink it, you delete the post, you tell yourself you'll do it tomorrow, Your model of reality is running a program that says "being seen equals danger." What about business growth? You want to scale, hire a team, create passive income, but your model of reality right now says "if you're not working hard, you are not working." So unconsciously, you create more work for yourself.
You complicate systems, you resist delegation because somewhere in your programming. " Ease equals laziness." And "lazy people don't deserve success" according to your model of reality. Does any of that sound familiar? This is your model of reality at play.
[00:06:04] How my model of reality was shaped and what I did to break free
Now I am sharing all of this because I have lived it, and I want you to understand how I broke free from my own limiting model of reality, because if I can do it, you absolutely can too. And so have all of my past clients. Growing up, my model of reality around money was shaped by watching my parents struggle.
We lost our house to foreclosure. Money was always scarce, always stressful, always the reason that we couldn't have what we wanted when we wanted. My model of reality said that " money is hard to get, easy to lose, and people like us just don't get to keep it." So even when I started making more money, when I got my first big salary jump from 59,000 to 96,000, I felt like an imposter.
I truly thought that someone was going to realize they made a big mistake in compensating me and take it all away from me. I couldn't let myself feel safe with that amount of money because my model of reality had no reference point for that type of financial stability.
So I started looking for evidence of a different reality. I studied people who came from nothing and built wealth. I examined their beliefs, their daily habits, and the way that they talked about money. I started asking myself, what would I need to believe about myself to live like that? And then I did the internal work, of course, to shift all of those beliefs.
I decided to change my model of reality even before I knew what it was or that I had one.
Another memory that comes up to mind is when my husband and I gave the deposit for our first custom build home. I remember sitting in the sales office pen in hand, and my body was. Screaming at me to run out the door, not because there was anything wrong with the salesperson or the house, but because my model of reality said people like me lose houses.
I could feel my heart racing out of my chest. I was waiting for someone to tell me that this was a big mistake and that buying a house was not for people like me. And I realized that what was driving this reaction was the memory of watching my parents lose our house to foreclosure. That was the model of reality that
I was experiencing in that moment,
But by that time, I knew better. I caught that thought, I challenged it, and I asked myself, is that really true or is that a story from my past? And slowly I started to reprogram those old beliefs and stories using tools like EFT, tapping, visualization, and Hypnosis.
And I am so happy to report that we closed down the house and we've been living here for a few years, and all of our finances are in order. And eventually owning a home just started to feel normal and like an expected experience in my reality. And now I'm dreaming alongside my husband for an even bigger home because my reality has expanded to that possibility where I can dream bigger. And owning multiple homes now feels like it's a normal expected thing in my life.
I want you to write this down. We don't respond to reality. "We respond to our current map of reality."
[00:09:18] How do you know if your model of reality is limiting you?
So how do you know if your model of reality is limiting you? Pay attention to your automatic thoughts when you think about your goals. If you wanna make $200,000, but your immediate thought is people like me don't make that much. That's your model of reality. Talking If you wanna speak on stages, but your body tenses up at the thought, then that's your model of reality saying that this isn't safe for you.
Your model of reality will show up as patterns. You'll notice you keep hitting the same income ceiling. You keep attracting the same type of client over and over. You catch yourself in the same unwanted situation, but with different people or a different location that's you operating from your existing map.
[00:10:02] Loosening your model of reality + Journaling prompts
So then what do you do if you realize your model of reality is holding you back? First, you have to identify the specific beliefs that are running your show. I'm talking about the deep unconscious beliefs, like " if I make more money than my parents, I'll lose my connection to them". Or "successful women sacrifice their relationships."
One of the most powerful tools I use with my clients comes from my NLP training, something called Metamodel Questions, which is really just a fancy way of saying questions that help you challenge limiting beliefs. These questions help you loosen the grip of beliefs that have been running on autopilot.
Let me walk you through an example.
Let's say you have a belief like, "I'm not good enough to charge premium prices." A meta model question would be, according to whom? Who decided that? What evidence do I have that this is universally true?
Or let's say your belief is "if I become too successful, people will judge me." The metal model question here is all people? Every single person? What if some people celebrate me? What would that look like?
These questions aren't meant to trick you. They're meant to show you that your belief is just one possible interpretation, not the only truth. Here's another belief that I hear all of the time. " I have to work hard to make money." And here's the metal model question. What does hard mean to you? Who defined hard? Is there evidence of people who make money with ease? What if effort and ease could coexist? See how that works? We're not denying your current reality with these questions. We're just opening the door to other possibilities and loosening the belief a bit. another powerful practice is this. Start collecting evidence for the reality that you want to experience. If your model of reality says that "women can't have both a thriving business and a healthy relationship", then go find women who have both study them. What do they believe? How do they structure their day?
What boundaries do they have? Your subconscious needs proof that this new reality is possible before it'll let you step into it, And then you've got to do the work of feeling it in your body, not just thinking about it.
This is where teaching your nervous system that success is safe comes into play. If your body is in fight or flight every time you think about having a $20,000 month, then you need to show your body that that level of success is safe to have You do that through breath work, through visualization, through slowly expanding your capacity to hold more.
and here's my favorite part of every episode, when I get to give you a couple of journal prompts that you get to take with you.
[00:12:53] More journaling prompts
So up next I will share a couple of journal prompts that will help you start shifting your model of reality right now.
So grab a journal and answer this.
What is the reality that I want to experience in my business and in my life? Get specific and don't hold back. I know that you won't be able to help yourself, and you'll start to think, but how will I do that? But that is not your job right now, or the task that I'm asking you to do, Just simply write out what you want to experience.
Then ask, what would someone who already has this reality believe about themselves? What would they believe about money, about success, visibility, rest? What would they believe about support? And finally, what one belief can I start practicing today that would move me closer to that desired model of reality?
For me, the belief that changed everything was " I am capable of creating wealth in a way that feels aligned and sustainable", and that's perfect for my human design projector energy.
That one belief opened the door to me, seeing more possibility around me for ways of where I could do less and experience more success.
[00:14:11] You're not stuck with your current model of reality
Here's what I want you to take away from this. Your current results aren't a reflection of your worth or your potential. They're a reflection of your model of reality. And the beautiful thing about models is that they can be updated.
You are not stuck with the programming that you received as a kid, and you're not limited by what your parents believed or what your past circumstances taught you. You have the ability to examine your map, see where it's outdated and intentionally redesign it to serve you.
And my friend. This work requires awareness. It requires intention and often support because your subconscious is very sneaky.
It will convince you that your limiting beliefs are just "being realistic". It'll make you think that playing small is "being humble." And that's why I do this work. That's why I became certified in NLP timeline therapy, breath work, and nervous system regulation because I know what it's like to be trapped in a model of reality that doesn't serve you anymore.
And I know what it's like to break free, to feel and remember. How you have power. If you're someone who's ready to examine your model of reality, challenge the beliefs that are keeping you small and step into a version of yourself who's already living the life that you desire. I would love to work with you.
I have a limited one-on-one coaching spots available where we'll dive deep into your subconscious programming. We'll work to dissolve the internal conflicts, and we'll build a new model of reality that supports your biggest vision.
The link to apply is in the description. And if you're not quite ready for one-on-one support, but you still want to start shifting your relationship with wealth and changing your model of reality, I created the Wealth Embodiment bundle. It's a small price that includes guided hypnosis, meditations, and subliminals that you can start using today.
The link is in the description.
if you found value in this episode, then share it with another woman that you know is also ready to stop settling for less than she deserves.
I am so grateful that you are here doing this work. I know that it takes courage to look at your internal map and decide to redraw it. I know that it takes courage to look at how you were raised and look at your past experiences. Look at them with love and give them grace, and also decide that you are ready for something new.
Because you know your inherent capability and you know that you are here for so much more, and because you are feeling that you are already so many steps ahead, you are following that nudge that is truly your higher self calling you forward. I am so glad that you are here. I would love to hear from you in the comments.
Please leave a five star review or a thumbs up if you're on YouTube. It would greatly help this podcast reach more women like you because I believe that when women feel safe to expand and have more, they naturally expand what is possible for their community, their families, and for their future as well.
Thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you in the next one.
Common questions about your model of reality:
Q: What exactly is a "model of reality" and how is it different from just having beliefs?
Your model of reality is the entire operating system through which you experience life—not just individual beliefs, but a whole network of filters shaped by your past experiences, family conditioning, and significant events from ages 0-7. Think of beliefs as individual apps on your phone, while your model of reality is the entire phone's operating system. It determines what information even makes it to your conscious awareness. For example, you might consciously believe "I want to make more money," but if your model of reality says "wealthy people are selfish," your subconscious will filter out opportunities that would lead to wealth or make you feel uncomfortable when you start earning more.
Q: How long does it take to actually change your model of reality?
Here's what I've discovered through my own journey and working with clients: some shifts can happen immediately—like the moment you recognize a limiting belief and choose a different interpretation. But making that new belief feel natural and safe in your body? That's a process. For me, it took a couple of weeks of consistent internal work (EFT, visualization, hypnosis, breathwork) before owning a home stopped feeling like something that would be taken away and started feeling like my new normal. The timeline depends on how deeply rooted the belief is, how much it's tied to your identity, and whether you're actively doing the nervous system work to make the new reality feel safe.
Q: Is this different from positive affirmations or just thinking positively?
Yes, this goes much deeper. Affirmations work at the conscious level—you're essentially trying to convince yourself of something new. But if your subconscious model of reality contradicts that affirmation, it'll feel fake and your nervous system will reject it. Changing your model of reality involves identifying the root beliefs (often unconscious), challenging them with specific questions that loosen their grip, collecting evidence for new possibilities, and doing somatic work so your body feels safe with the new reality.
Q: What if I don't know what my model of reality is or where my limiting beliefs came from?
Your patterns will show you. Notice where you keep hitting the same ceiling that's your model of reality saying "this is as far as we go." Pay attention to your automatic thoughts when you think about your goals. If you want to charge $5,000 for your services but immediately think "no one will pay that" or "that's not for people like me," that's a belief from your model. You don't always need to trace it back to a specific childhood moment (though that can be helpful). What matters more is recognizing the pattern, questioning whether it's universally true, and choosing to practice a new belief that serves your vision.
Q: Can I really change beliefs that were formed in childhood? Aren't those permanent?
My friend, this is exactly the belief that kept me stuck for years thinking that my childhood programming was my destiny. But here's what neuroscience shows us: your brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it can create new neural pathways throughout your entire life. The beliefs formed in childhood feel permanent because they've been practiced for decades, not because they're unchangeable. I've witnessed hundreds of women (including myself) completely transform their relationship with money, success, and visibility by doing this work. The key is understanding that you're not trying to erase the old programming—you're building new pathways and practicing them until they become your new normal.
Q: What's the difference between changing my model of reality and just becoming someone I'm not?
This question comes up a lot, and it points to something important: the fear that growth means losing yourself. But here's the truth, your limiting model of reality isn't the real you. It's the programming you inherited. The real you is the one who dreams bigger, who feels pulled toward expansion, who knows deep down you're capable of more. Changing your model of reality means removing the layers of conditioning so you can finally become who you actually are. When I shifted my beliefs around money, I didn't become a different person, I became more myself.
Q: This sounds like a lot of work. Can I do this on my own or do I need a coach?
You can absolutely start this work on your own using the journal prompts and meta-model questions from this episode. Many people make significant shifts through self-reflection and intentional practice. However, here's what I've found: your subconscious is sneaky. It'll convince you that your limiting beliefs are "just being realistic" or that playing small is "being humble." A skilled coach can spot the patterns you can't see because you're inside them. They can also guide you through techniques like hypnosis, Neural Energetic Encoding, and nervous system regulation that are difficult to facilitate for yourself. If you've been trying to shift on your own for months without real change, or if you keep hitting the same patterns despite your best efforts, that's when support becomes invaluable.
💡 Pro Tip: Start tracking your automatic thoughts for one week. Every time you think about your income goal, visibility, or next level of success, write down the first thought that pops up. These automatic thoughts are clues to your model of reality—and once you see the pattern, you can start to challenge it.
If You Loved This Episode, You'll Also Want to Check Out:
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About Heidy: I’m Heidy, a Certified Master Mindset Coach, for women in their 30s and 40s, specializing in Hypnosis, Neural Energetic Wiring, Neural Energetic Wiring, Neural Energetic Encoding, Breathwork, and Emotional Freedom Techniques (Tapping). I’m also the host of the Confident, Magnetic & Wealthy Podcast. As someone who broke through generational adversity and reprogrammed the beliefs that said I wasn’t supposed to succeed, I know what it’s like to rise beyond what was modeled for me. I’ve guided women to grow their income to multiple six-figures and achieve their biggest goals while feeling confident and regulated. My magic sauce is how I help clear the subconscious blocks that create guilt, resistance, and self doubt through neuroscience-backed modalities. Confident, Magnetic & Wealthy is an extension of me, how I live my life, and how I help other women do the same through my 1:1 coaching. Most important, CMW is my mission to help women expand their magnetism and build unshakeable self trust to attract the wealth and opportunities she desires. I believe when a woman feels safe to have more, she naturally expands what’s possible for her family, her community, and her future.
About the Confident, Magnetic & Wealthy Podcast: Confident, Magnetic & Wealthy is a podcast for women in their 30s and 40s who are ready to experience more success, money, visibility, and impact. Hosted by Heidy, Master Mindset Coach, Breathwork & Hypnosis Practitioner, this podcast explores money mindset, identity, and the inner work required to break upper limits around wealth, confidence, and success. The show blends practical action with spiritual principles to help you manifest your dream life, shared through the lens of a first-generation, child-free woman devoted to confidence, self-trust, and ease. Many cycle breakers and first-generation leaders were taught how to survive, not how to receive. As a result, growth can trigger guilt, fear, and self-doubt, even when life looks good on the outside. Heidy shares how self-image and the subconscious mind shape what you allow yourself to have, and how to rewire those patterns so success feels safe. On this podcast, you’ll learn about money mindset, subconscious reprogramming, breaking generational patterns. Shared through the lens of a Master Mindset Coach, first-gen, and child-free woman devoted to helping women live their most abundant life.