Episode 25: Success Guilt Is Real Especially for First Generation Leaders

Episode Transcript:

Have you ever stopped yourself from going after something so huge and deep down you knew it wasn't fear of failure, you had this inkling that it was possibly fear of shining brighter than the people that you love.

If so, this video is going to feel like someone finally turned on the lights in a room that you've been stumbling through for years.

Today we're talking about something most high achievers carry, but almost nobody names or talks about in public unconscious, guilt and shame. The type that sneak in when you start doing better than your parents or caregivers or your family. The kind of guilt that makes you dim your light, downplay your wins, or hit a ceiling right when things start getting really good.

I'm gonna walk you through why this happens in your mind and body, how your subconscious quietly creates these limits and what you can do to start releasing it so you can move forward to create the life that you know is meant for you.

And be sure to stick around because later in the video I'll walk you through a simple exercise to help you understand how specifically your subconscious has been storing the guilt and shame.

Let's begin with something that a lot of people don't admit out loud sometimes the thing holding you back isn't fear of success. It's the weight of your family's unfulfilled dreams sitting on your chest, like a reminder of how you went further than they did.

If you grew up first generation like me, or as the one labeled as the one "who made it out", or the one who got the degree, when no one else did, or the one who broke the generational cycle, you know this tension very well and it's a mix of pride and guilt that sits in the same room, like two relatives who don't actually like each other, but they sit in the same room every holiday.

And I get it because this was my life. My mom had me at 17. She worked so hard to give me the chances that she never got. When I got my degree, when I landed my first leadership role, and when I built my first new build constructed house, the joy was real, but so was something else.

part of me felt like I stepped into a world that she never entered. And instead of standing tall in my moment, I kept shrinking a little, and not consciously, and not because anyone asked me to, but because a part of me felt like shining too bright was somehow dishonoring her or putting her down.

This is where unconscious guilt shows up. It whispers very subtly in the back of your mind, really mean things like "you are doing too much". "Slow down." "Who do you think you are?" Or my personal Achilles heel " if you go further than your family, you'll leave them all behind".

When your subconscious picks up these messages early in life, especially from family dynamics, culture or survival experiences, it stores them as emotional truth. So even if on paper or consciously you know that you deserve big things because why not? Your body can still act like chasing those things is actually dangerous for you.

Your mind is basically trying to protect you from outgrowing your tribe. In survival terms outgrowing the tribe used to mean danger, separation, rejection, and even death in some instances. So your brain still fires the same old alarms when you start doing something new, something bolder or something No one in your family has done before.

This is why guilt comes in disguised as the voice of reason sometimes.

For me, it showed up as "be humble", "be grateful for what you have." "Don't get ahead of yourself." " Don't make anyone else uncomfortable." I wonder if you can relate to? And here's the twist that no one teaches us growing up... guilt is not a sign that you're doing something wrong. Sometimes guilt is a sign that you're crossing into a new level of expansion that your subconscious just isn't used to yet.

I want you to know that you're not ungrateful for wanting more. And your wins aren't betrayals. They mean that you're evolving. And that's what we're here to do, to evolve and grow and expand. And the part that shifted everything for me is when I realized that staying small doesn't help anyone. In fact, it blocks the very blessings that my ancestors prayed for.

And I have the privilege of having life experiences that only they dreamed of having.

So once I understood that guilt became less of a cage and more of a signal that I was breaking a pattern, that my family never stopped to assess and decide to break.

but here's the problem. Even when your mind understands this, your body might still be carrying the guilt and shame, like old files shoved in a closet that you just never open and you don't have time to look at. If the body still feels unsafe being successful, you'll sabotage even without noticing.

You'll procrastinate. You'll aim lower in life, and you'll stay almost ready, but never fully ready to take the big leap. And you'll blame yourself for lacking discipline when the truth is your body is simply obeying the instructions it was given years ago.

This is where somatic awareness changes the entire game. The subconscious speaks through sensations before it speaks through words, So to change the pattern, you need to understand how guilt and shame live inside of the body.

Let me help you feel what that feels like to map it. Think about that big dream you have the one that keeps nudging you, even when you pretend not to hear it. Maybe it's becoming more visible. Maybe it's establishing a global brand. Maybe it's stepping into a higher level of income and a completely new lifestyle that no one in your family has modeled before.

Or perhaps you're already living that dream and that is amazing and great, and I am so proud of you for that. Now, notice what happens in your body when you imagine having that, or as you think about the amazing experience you're already living in your reality. Where do you feel the feeling of guilt or the feeling of shame?

You might benefit from closing your eyes for a moment and feeling into it? ' cause I don't want you to overly think, just notice the first instinct of where you're feeling it.

If that feeling had a color, what color is it? If it had a shape, what shape does it show up as if it had a texture, what does it feel like? If it had a sound, what would it be?

These questions are part of what we call submodalities. Submodalities are the way that your subconscious organizes emotional experiences. The subconscious needs this level of detail because it doesn't work with complex thoughts. It works with imagery, sensations, sound, color, size, and movement.

You can't shift what you don't take time to feel. And guilt and shame are really sneaky because most of us were trained to ignore them or to rationalize them, but your body never ignores anything. As the book says, "your body keeps the score", your nervous system holds the imprint until you bring it to the surface to process it.

This is why a tool like Neural Energetic Encoding is so powerful because it works with how your mind uniquely encodes these emotions. When you bring the guilt or shame into awareness, you can actually begin to rewire the Energetic coding that keeps you looping in the old pattern.

Picture it like updating the software of your inner world so it finally matches the identity that you are choosing to step into into the future.

I want to share a moment from my own journey because this was the turning point for me as I was sitting with a coach processing this exact feeling of guilt around earning more than my mom ever did. As I tuned into the sensations and the coach walked me through the Neural Energetic Encoding, I was able to realize that the root cause of this guilt wanted to inform me that the guilt was not mine.

It was something I inherited through watching her struggle, through watching the sacrifices that she made and believing that I somehow owed something to her that wasn't mine to carry. And when that clicked, the guilt released, it released from my body, it released from everything. It felt like I could finally breathe.

So 15 minutes, maybe, perhaps 20. In this technique and in this experience, I was able to release something that I had been holding onto for decades. And after that I felt like I could truly honor my mom. Without limiting myself,

and this is what I want for you to release what is no longer supporting you. You shining is not betrayal, you going further is not abandonment. It is a continuation, a legacy. It is healing in motion for an entire generation.

Ask yourself this one question,

who exactly benefits from you not achieving your next big goal?

Your family doesn't benefit from your shrinking.

The people that you are meant to impact, they certainly don't benefit from you hiding.

The only thing that I see here that benefits is the old story

I believe that when you rise, your entire lineage rises with you. And when you have the courage to heal, you heal in both directions in your generation.

And when you expand, you open doors that were locked for generations prior.

This is why guilt and shame shows up at the very edge of your breakthrough because you are the one who is meant to break this. You are the one who is here to heal. You are the one who is here to carry the torch forward.

so if you've been carrying guilt or shame for wanting more, let this be your permission to release it. Not because the guilt is wrong, but because it's outdated and you know that it's outdated.

It was created by a younger version of you who didn't know what you are learning now,

You honor the people who came before you by doing exactly what they dreamt that someone in the family would one day do.

Break the cycles my friend. Create the new ones, live in overflow instead of survival. Choose joy instead of fear.

Choose expansion instead of shrinking.

You have to know that your dreams are not random, they're instructions for where your lineage is meant to evolve next, and you're the one who carries the torch. And if guilt still lingers. Sit with the sensations, map them, understand their submodalities. Let your subconscious speak to you, and when you are ready, I'll be here to help you release the guilt and the shame from the root.

If something in this episode changed your perspective, opened your mind to something new, I would love to know about it. Leave a comment below or send me a message, and of course, if you feel that you're ready to let go of the guilt and step into your next level. the link to apply to work with me is in the description below.

It would be an honor to walk with you along this path. Thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you on the next one.